The Drunken Alchemist
by fairystail
Summary: When the Kyuubi is being sealed someone else finds his way there and the future is changed. Alchemist Naruto, cause I never saw it done. Probably need a better name. Rating is appropriate, there will be mentions of rape and torture. Not a FMA crossover
1. Chapter 1

He walked through the streets, unseen, unheard and unknown. Not a single person aware of his presence even as he walked right past their eyes or they walked right through his ghostly form. Whenever he thought about it he couldn't help but find amusement in his situation, in an attempt to evade the Great Queen he had created a potion that would make himself invisible and untouchable even to her. It had worked, in fact it had worked better than expected as the potion hadn't worn off in over a thousand years. in over a thousand years he had wandered the world not once speaking to or interacting with anyone or anything, he hated it. He had a name once but even that was lost to the mists of time along with most of his memories of the Great Queen and the terror she had sown. All that he could remember was the basics of his craft and his unending desire for a bottle of sake.

It was as he walked through the streets of where ever he was that he something had happened. It took him a few seconds of thought to realise what it was but he eventually realized it. The place where he currently was was under attack. It wasn't people as it normally was, it was in fact a giant fox and apparently a giant frog. They appeared to be fighting each other and everyone was running and screaming, desperate to get away from the two. He couldn't understand it, the Great Queen had sowed more destruction in her time and yet people stood up to her even though he had run away.

Shaking his head at the strangeness of these people he resumed his walk, sure it brought him into the middle of the giant animals and their fight but they couldn't affect him anyway. He was seperated from the world, little less than a spirit, so he just kept on walking.

The two beasts were attacking each other, bellowing loudly as they did so, destroying entire buildings and He casually walked right through them, ignoring them completely until something caught his eye.

Hovering in the air, over the giant frog and facing the giant fox was the Shinigami, one of the few gods to interact with the world. He couldn't believe his luck, maybe the Shinigami could see him and help him? it was unlikely that he would receive some help but it was better than nothing so he made his way over to the death god. As he got closer he saw the figures of a few people right in front of the Shinigami. one of those figures was a little baby, just born if the umbilical cord and blood was anything to go by.

The Shinigami waved it's scythe letting spectral blue energy envelope the entire area, He and the giant fox were caught and bound by the energy before they found themselves pulled forward, towards the new born. As He touched the new born's body everything went black.

...

Uzumaki Naruto was an interesting young boy. Many people in Konoha hated him, loathed his entire existance and prayed for his death religiously, those who actually cared for the boy however noticed many odd things about him. Naruto did not have a first word so much as he had a first demand, his demand was, "Sake, give me Sake," he was only one at the time and no matter what anyone said or did he continued to demand Sake for two weeks straight, he never got any.

Another curiosity of his was that he seemed amused by peoples reactions to him. Wether they smiled at him, yelled at him or even tried to kill him he found these reactions amusing and purposefully went out of his way to get people to notice and react to him. He once spent all day knocking on the door of every single house in Konoha asking people if they would like to talk about the Lord Jashin just to have people yell at him.

Then there was Naruto's chakra. he had chakra, he in fact had more chakra than most jounin, he just couldn't use it. No one could figure out what was wrong with it, his body was perfect for using chakra, there was no problems with his tenketsu, divine gates or chakra pathways, he just could not use it. Iruka, his Academy teacher, once claimed that it was like trying to teach an adult how to use chakra, he had it but he was just so used to going without any that it was almost impossible to use it.

The most important oddity of Naruto's was that he did not want to be a ninja. In a village where ninja's were looked up to and every child was forced to go to the Academy for ninja training this was seen as odd, unnatural and even contemptible so Naruto was shunned. He didn't mind, people shunned him for the kyuubi anyway, besides as long as they acknowledged him in someway Naruto honestly did not care. So whenever the graduation exam came up Naruto failed it until the third time came.

 **Flashback**

 _The aged Hokage gently seated himself on Naruto's couch, ignoring all of the bottles lying around the apartment. There was a sad look in the Hokage's eyes as he regarded Naruto. "Naruto do you know why I am here?" he asked the boy._

 _Naruto regarded the Hokage for a bit before responding, "going to try and convince me to pass the graduation exam again," he stated calmly._

 _"You have to pass this time!" the Hokage said seriously._

 _Naruto rolled his eyes and pulled a sake bottle out of one of his jacket's many pockets, knowing this would just annoy the old man. "Screw that old man, i'd rather live my life not die young," he said opening the sake bottle and taking a swig from the drink._

 _The Hokage's killing intent filled the room and Naruto had to admit it was impressive, but it was nowhere near the Great Queen's level. "If you don't pass and become a ninja this time then you will die young," the Hokage stated._

 _Naruto's eyes narrowed even as he took another swig from the bottle, "is that a threat old man?" he asked dangerously. "I may not be able to use chakra but it is still not a good idea to threaten me."_

 _The Hokage sighed, releasing his killing intent as he did so, "Naruto do you know what happened to the Kyuubi?" he asked._

 _"Got sealed inside of me by dear old dad the day I was born," Naruto said simply as he finished off his bottle, "what's your point?"_

 _The Hokage stared at Naruto in complete shock, "you know?" he asked unbelieving._

 _"I remember that day quite well," Naruto replied "and having you call me Minato's son the day after...well when I found out who Minato was it was pretty obvious."_

 _"Why didn't you say anything?" the Hokage asked._

 _Naruto shrugged, "you never asked. Besides I can't use chakra, it's irrelevant if i'm a Jinchuuriki or not if you take that into account. Now are you going to tell my why i'll die or will you just keep asking me these stupid questions?"_

 _The Hokage resisted the urge to sigh again, "enemy spies have picked up the knowledge of what you are. If you do not train and strengthen yourself then it will be easy for them to kidnap you and extract the Kyuubi, thus killing you in the process," he explained._

 _"So your response is to force me to take a test which the examiners will fail me at anyway no matter how well I do, I will then be made into a ninja in a normal Genin team I presume, be forced to take missions outside the village eventually where any enemy spy can kidnap me and have their wicked way with me. How is that any better than just letting me live my life?" Naruto asked, his tone telling him exactly what he thought of that idea._

 _"And how exactly is drinking your days away and annoying the civilians of Konoha 'living your life'?" the Hokage asked sarcastically._

 _"It sounds more fun than becoming a mercenary for a village that either hates me or sees me as some sort of failed weapon," Naruto pointed out._

 _The Hokage got to his feet, "you will be given an automatic pass for the exam. You will then be put on a team under Hatake Kakashi. he will be given six months to train you and your team as well as he can before you are given even a single D-Rank mission. Accept this chance and maybe you will gain the skills required to live, do not take this chance and the village will kill you and extract the Kyuubi into a new host before our enemies can," after saying that the Hokage disappeared in a shunshin._

 _Naruto let out a groan of exasperation, "fuck I guess I have to go and buy some materials then," he muttered. "Wish I could remember the higher level crap."_

 **flashback End**

Naruto sat in front of his new sensei, Sakura on his left and Sasuke on his right.

Kakashi stared at them with his one eye, his body posture telling them that he was serious. "We are going to go around telling each other our names, our likes and dislikes, our hobbies, our dreams and our strengths and weaknesses. I will go first," he told them all. By the look of sakura then their sensei could be a little intimidating. "My name is Hatake Kakashi, I am also known as the Copy-nin. I like Icha Icha and dogs, I dislike those who betray their comrades and the word youth. For hobbies I like to read Icha Icha, I spend time at the memorial stone and i train. The only dream I have is for my loved ones to be proud of me when I rejoin them in the after life. My strengths are Taijutsu, Ninjutsu and assassination. I do not have many weaknesses though my Fuinjutsu could use some work," he finished. "Haruno you're up!"

Sakura turned bright red at being spoken to so suddenly but she eventually began to speak. "I'm Haruno Sakura and I like," here she looked at Sasuke and gave a ear piercing squeal. "I dislike Ino-pig and being picked on because of my large forehead. for my hobbies I like to read and..." again she looked at Sasuke and gave another ear piercing squeal. "Dreams, I would like to..." she gave a third squeal. "As for my strengths I got really good marks in stealth and theory, I didn't do so well in Taijutsu though," she added, embarrassed.

Kakashi rubbed his temples, "of course I have to get an annoying fan-girl who is no good in a fight," he muttered loud enough for everyone to hear. Sakura turned red from embarrassment and looked like she was close to tears as well. "Uchiha you're up," he ordered.

Sasuke gave a small grunt before responding in a cold tone, "Uchiha Sasuke, I like tomatoes, hate fangirls, idiots and a certain man. My ambition is to kill said certain man and revive my clan. Strengths is everything, no weaknesses," he finished arrogantly.

"Arrogant Uchiha," Kakashi replied, "can't say im surprised, I will make sure to beat that out of you. Uzumaki you're up."

Naruto stopped drinking from his sake bottle before replying. "I'm Naruto," he grinned. "I like to drink and I dislike the old man along with my old man. Don't really have any dreams...create an endless bottle of sake? I dunno. Weaknesses are apparently everything according to my teachers and as for strengths..." here Naruto gave an almost predatory smirk, "i'm particularly good at Alchemy."


	2. Chapter 2

Kakashi stared at Naruto blankly for a few seconds before he began muttering to himself. "So I have the atypical Uchiha, nothing special or original there, the atypical Uchiha's stalker fangirl with zero combat skills and a delusional, alcoholic dead-last...Where did you even get the alcohol from?" he finished in confusion.

Naruto just shrugged, taking another drink from his sake bottle.

Kakashi, when he realized he wasn't going to get an answer, continued on. "The worst part is that according to the powers that be I can't actually fail you. I have to make sure that your team passes and give you the best training possible," he sighed, "sometimes i miss the ANBU sure it was dangerous mission after dangerous mission and there was that time I was tortured for one and a half months, tortured so bad that my mind is still cracked but still it isn't so bad as this."

"Ah sensei you know you're talking out loud right?" Sakura asked while nervously trying to put distance between herself and the, self-admitted, crazy ninja.

Kakashi stared at her with his one eye blankly before continuing on what he was saying. "You all pass, you are the genin of team seven. Tomorrow I am going to start testing you three to determine all of your strengths and weaknesses. I don't care what you say no one has no weaknesses, no one has everything as a weakness and Alchemy does not exist. Haruno is the only one who gave a reasonable introduction even though her hobbies, likes and dreams are worrying. On a side note Uchiha you will never be forced to share a tent or room with Haruno as I would fear for your chastity otherwise," he finished seriously.

Sasuke and Sakura sweatdropped nervously while Naruto broke into laughter, "fucking hell if all sensei are like this I should have become a genin the first time. Sure there's being trained as an amoral killer but at least the sensei is good for a few laughs."

"Both of them are crazy," Sakura said in a horrified whisper.

Sasuke gave a silent nod, as he edged away from the two crazy ninja, he ignored the fact that he was not exactly sane as well.

Kakashi stopped his talk about protecting Sasuke and his chastity, "you three are to meet me tomorrow at five a.m at Training Ground Seventy Two. make sure you bring enough food and water to last a week," having given his orders Kakashi the disappeared in a shunshin.

"Sooo," Naruto began, "want to go and get something to eat? Learn a bit about each other?"

Sakura and Sasuke looked at him blankly before Sasuke got to his feet and grunted a, "hn" and began to walk away.

"I have no idea if that was a yes or a no," Naruto admitted to Sakura. "Fuck it." Naruto jumped to his feet and without any warning he grabbed Sakura's hand and started to drag her off, calling for Sasuke to wait as he did so.

...

Kakashi

Kakashi followed his three students silently. They didn't even suspect that they were being followed, poor naive children a ninja is always being followed. ALWAYS! Kakashi shook his head, he had almost shouted that last part out loud, when was the last time he took his medication? Kakashi ignored that thought for now, his medication wasn't important what was important was following his new team and finding out every single bit of information he could about them and then strike when they were least suspecting. No that didn't sound right, he wasn't in the ANBU any more he was a team sensei now, he couldn't kill them. This sensei thing was harder than he thought.

Kakashi watched as the blonde target, Uzumaki, dragged Haruno and Uchiha through the town to a bar in the red-light district. Kakashi knew the place it was a Yakuza front, probably explained where Naruto got his alcohol from. The only reason that the bar was allowed in Konoha was because the Yakuza would help the ninja by exporting in certain goods for reasonable prices. Konoha ignored that said goods once belonged to other people and the Yakuza were allowed to open up shop in a ninja village, as long as they didn't cause too many problems.

Kakashi placed a henge on himself and entered the bar, moving to a quiet corner by himself where he could watch the three targets.

Haruno and Uchiha clearly did not belong in the bar, they looked like they didn't want to be there, they were disgusted by some of the more interesting stains around the place and they refused to order any alcohol, or anything at all. They were clearly only there because Uzumaki had physically dragged them there. Kakashi would have to give them some work on infiltration if they couldn't even act normal in a Yakuza run bar then even a genin would be able to tell if they were spies or not.

Uzumaki on the other hand, he belonged in there, he knew the barkeep by name and ordered his drink not as sake but as Land of Earth's, Hashimi region sake. The kid knew what he liked even if what he liked was an old style of sake.

As the three targets drank Kakashi watched them, inspecting the way they held themselves, moved, looked around, talked and even breathed. he wanted to know everything he could about them, sure he had been given a dossier with information on all of them but he didn't trust information he didn't gather himself, it could have been full of lies in a plot to kill him, so Kakashi had chucked it straight into the fire the very second he was given it.

Uchiha, Kakashi decided, was the strongest of the three targets physically. His body was obviously trained though not very well, a chuunin could mop the floor with him. Uchiha's body was primarily built for speed and endurance over strength, most likely for when he activated his Sharingan. Uchiha held himself in an arrogant way, obviously used to being told he was better than everyone else, he also seemed to have nothing but contempt for his fellow teammates. It would be so easy to lure Uchiha off and kill him, his disappearance would leave the other two thinking that he had left them. Kakashi shook his head, _"they are students not targets, i'm not meant to kill them even if it would be so easy."_

Haruno, Kakashi decided, was physically the weakest of the three. She did not do any physical training and by the look of it was slightly anorexic. By the way she was constantly looking around it was obvious that she was constantly alert, ready for any attack though that was probably because she didn't feel safe in the bar. that was good, she should never feel safe, she was a ninja their lives were always under threat though Kakashi would help her so that she wasn't as obvious about her paranoia, didn't want her to give herself away no did he? There was also the way she moved when she was being dragged to the bar, her feet didn't make a single sound, definitely a good stealth specialist though she had to break that habit if she didn't want to be caught out during an infiltration. To get her away from the group and kill her Kakashi would use a clone to orchestrate a bar fight. She would obviously leave the place quite quickly and her teammates would not question it if she didn't return as she was obviously uncomfortable here.

The third target, Uzumaki, was different than one Kakashi would expect of an academy graduate. For one thing he could hold his liquor really well and was already on to his sixth bottle of sake, another thing was Kakashi had no idea exactly where Uzumaki, an orphan with no job, was able to get enough money to buy so much sake. It appeared that almost every single person who walked into the bar, or worked there knew Uzumaki in someway shape or form. A few people didn't like him, Kakashi cold tell by the hate-filled glances, but not one of them insulted him or called him out so they all respected him or respected someone that was protecting Uzumaki. Then there was the way that Uzumaki held himself, it was not the arrogant swagger of a freshly graduated genin who thought he could take on the world, or the confidence of a man who had survived countless battles, it wasn't even the look of a greenhorn who knew that he wasn't anything important , no Uzumaki held himself with the look of someone who knew exactly what the world had to hold, he knew just how dangerous it was and how easy he could be killed and he didn't care. He wasn't suicidal he just did not care. Then there was his physical aspects, he was untrained, that was obvious, even the Yakuza in the bar could tell that but there was more. Every single pocket of his coat was filled with a sake bottle, the contents of which Kakashi was certain was not sake, probably poison. Killing Uzumaki would be the hardest, he was not the strongest of the trio of targets but the ease of his presence in the bar suggested that some of the Yakuza would notice if he was gone for anything short of a legitimate reason. Kakashi could do it but he preferred not to leave any sign he was there.

Kakashi watched as Uchiha finally had had enough and left, Haruno following after him. Kakashi made a Shadow Clone discreetly and sent it to follow the two while he continued watching Uzumaki. Uzumaki stayed at the bar well past midnight and into the early hours of the next morning. At two thirty one a.m Uzumaki left the bar, slightly tipsy and made his way home. The bar was completely covered in his finished sake bottles and one bottle that Uzumaki had pulled out of his coat, Kakashi would have to see what was in that bottle. Creating another Shadow Clone Kakashi sent it off to follow Uzumaki while he silently got up from his table and snuck into one of the backrooms of the bar. This was an employees area of the bar, a break room, and the most likely space for Uzumaki's bottle to be brought through so using a camouflage jutsu Kakashi waited. Not even a minute after Uzumaki had left the barman made his way into the break room and down a set of stairs, the sake bottle in his possession.

Kakashi slipped down the stairs like a ghost and through the door down below without any sound. the room he found himself in was large enough to run under half of the red-light district and it was completely filled with what Kakashi knew to be illegal merchandise. this was the place where the Yakuza held and occasionally sold all of their illegal wares, it was also something that he could not touch or risk destroying an important business deal for Konoha.

Kakashi sighed, _"I'll just have to search Uzumaki's residence then,"_ he thought to himself before ghosting his way back upstairs and out of the bar.

...

Kakashi Clone 1

The Kakashi clone followed Uchiha and Haruno out of the bar and down the street. What quickly became apparent to the clone was that Uchiha was not aware of Haruno's presence as she walked behind him, tailing him and stalking him. Uchiha did not look about him, he did not once act as if he was being watched, of course Uchiha was being watched he was a ninja they were always being watched, followed and stalked.

Haruno on the other hand was looking about her, paranoid that there was someone who could see her. The clone smirked, she was under-trained but given enough time she would become a great shinobi, assuming she lasted the night... _"she'll last, not meant to kill her. I'm to train her, keep her alive and make her a great shinobi just like I am to do with Uchiha and Uzumaki. But it would be so easy to.._ _"_ the clone shook his head, he wasn't ANBU anymore, he was not on a mission to assassinate someone.

Eventually the clone followed Uchiha and Haruno to the Uchiha's residence, a large apartment building at the edge of the desolate Uchiha complex. Uchiha unlocked his door, walked in and closed it, re-locking it as well. Five minutes after the door was closed Haruno made her way up to it and pulled out a set of lockpicks, one second, one second was the time it took her to pick the lock on the Uchiha's door and sneak her way into the building. The clone had a quick look at the lock as he passed by, it was a five tumbler lock, not hard to pick by any means but it took most people some time, Haruno was either really skilled or had just done this often enough to get this particular lock remembered perfectly.

The inside of Uchiha's apartment was an interesting sight, the walls were covered in paintings, each one done by the same person if the style was anything to go by and the living room had three easel's set up, each one with a half finished painting on it. Uchiha was an artist it would seem, he was also rather skilled at it though the subject material would cause any psychologist to diagnose Uchiha with several mental disorders. A guitar was found in one of the rooms, this room was apparently dedicated to music and had several record players, musical notes and the guiter. _"Uchiha appears to be rather creative. It is understandable, after what happened he would need an outlet of some kind and training is not good for such a purpose in the long run."_ The clone continued on into the apartment.

Eventually the clone found Haruno in the kitchen, he remained hidden as he watched her calmly go about the task of making a packed lunch. The lunch was most presumably for Uchiha as the amount of meat in it would suggest it was for someone hoping to gain muscle mass. The clone was a bit worried to find out that Haruno broke into Uchiha's apartment, in the middle of the night on what could only be presumed a regular basis and used said opportunity to make Uchiha a packed lunch. he was more concerned over the fact that Uchiha did not set any traps and did not show himself, did he know that someone was in his apartment right now? Did he even care? What would happen when he found the packed lunch in the morning?

The Kakashi clone watched as Haruno spent most of her night making food for Uchiha, tidying his apartment, doing his washing before making her way home, collapsing into her bed.

...

Kakashi Clone 2

The Kakashi clone followed Uzumaki as he made his way home to his rundown apartment in the middle of the red-light district. His apartment was covered in graffiti, the windows were smashed and the clone was certain that there was a dead animal somewhere in the apartment. Uzumaki paid none of this any notice and walked into the apartment's linen closet. After opening the linen closet Uzumaki started to pull himself up the shelves and to the roof where he pushed up one of the ceiling tiles and climbed into the crawl space in the building.

The clone smirked a little bit as he saw that, some of the older building's in Konoha was filled with hidden crawlspaces like these, places for shinobi and civilians to hide in case of an invasion. After a few seconds of waiting to make sure Uzumaki was not coming right out the Kakashi clone followed him into the crawl space.

The crawl space, the clone found, stretched throughout the building, it was behind every wall, under every floor and on every roof. Uzumaki apparently had taken the crawl space as his own and used it as a living space, there was a bed, a dresser and a cabinet filled to the brim with sake bottles, each bottle was actually filled with sake and not some unknown product.

Eventually the clone found Uzumaki, he was in a part of the crawl space away from where his living area appeared to be. This part of the crawl space had the walls covered in some unknown writing that the clone made sure to memorize, in the middle of the floor was a large pot and to the side was an icebox filled to the brim with herbs, minerals and other materials. Uzumaki was reaching into this ice box every now and then and placing the materials into the large pot. When Uzumaki had filled the pot half way with materials he placed his hands to the sides of the pot and appeared to concentrate.

the clone was not sure what Uzumaki was doing or how but as it watched all of the materials in the pot, even the stones, appeared to liquefy and mix together. One the materials were completely mixed Uzumaki lifted his hands and the liquid flew out of the pot forming a floating ball of liquid in the air. The clone then watched as the ball of liquids began to condense and heat up at the same time, soon it was the size of a tennis ball and boiling all over but Uzumaki did not appear concerned as he condensed the ball more and more, when it was half the size of a tennis ball Uzumaki pulled an empty sake bottle out of nowhere and the liquid gently flowed into the bottle.

"Kakashi won't know what hit him," Uzumaki declared to himself with a large grin before he placed the bottle into one of the many pockets on his coat. Uzumaki then pulled himself to his feet, "well I guess I better get going to Kakashi's test then," he said. He pulled another bottle out of his cot and quickly drank all of it before making his way out of the crawl space. The Kakashi clone dispelled, allowing it's creator to see it's memories.

...

Kakashi

Kakashi allowed himself a moment to process all of the memories that his clones had given him. What he had learnt that night was valuable. Haruno was a stealth and infiltration expert in the making, she had the talent just needed proper guidance, she would be a dangerous assassin when he was finished with her. Uzumaki was capable of doing _something_ with materials, the boy believed it to be Alchemy and it looked like Kakashi would have to accept it as that for now, the only thing would be to see what Uzumaki's Alchemy could actually do. Then there was Uchiha, he was arrogant as one would expect from an Uchiha but his awareness was low and he was surprisingly creative, it would be interesting to see what would come of him.

"Maybe this sensei thing won't be so boring after all," Kakashi smirked to himself.

* * *

So yeah a lot of Kakashi in this chapter, very little dialogue and no action but this gives you a tiny bit of insight into our four protagonists' lives.

I have taken Sakura's fangirl habits to the extreme and turned her into a crazy stalker but that is not necessarily a bad thing. the stalker in Anagle Mole was a cool guy and I am keen on trying to see if i can make a stalker Sakura cool.

Sasuke is the arrogant Uchiha but he is surprisingly creative. Any ideas where i'm going to go with him? i already know but id like to see everyone's guesses.

Naruto is the alcoholic who sells his wares to the Yakuza in exchange for drinking money.

Kakashi is the forcibly retired ANBU who was awesome on the job but can't seem to get off the job so to speak.

read , review and give me your thirty seventh born child. :)


	3. Chapter 3

Training Ground Seventy Two was one of Konoha's more specialized training grounds. It consisted of one long street that was full of abandoned buildings on each side. The purpose of TG72 was for a shinobi to train in infiltration, deception, assassination and stealth in an urban area. It was here that the newly created Team Seven found themselves at five in the morning.

Sakura was dead on her feet, barely able to keep her eyes open and would occasionally nod off before startling awake.

Sasuke was more well rested than Sakura but he looked like he was used to getting up a little later and would occasionally let out a yawn.

Naruto, despite a night of no sleep, was well rested and ready to go. He was also halfway through a sake bottle as well.

Kakashi wasn't there, he was home asleep under his bed, the genin didn't know that though as he had sent a Shadow Clone in his place.

The second it turned five am the Kakashi clone stood up straight and started to address the genin. "It appears that even after being given adequate warning some of you were not well prepared to be up at this time," the clone stated coldly. "You are to run the length of the street there and back twenty times," the clone ordered, "and just so you are perfectly aware the street is five miles long and you will not get to eat, drink, rest or do anything else until you are done. MOVE!" he shouted causing the three genin to jump into action.

Sakura was the first to collapse, it was understandable after all that she did. The average genin could run a mile in slightly under four minutes so that would mean it would take twenty minutes just to run down the street, forty minutes to do one full circuit, or thirteen hours and twenty minutes to do the whole run. Sakura worked this all out in the time it took her to do the first mile, after one and a half circuits though the strain was too much for her and she was on the ground gasping for air, unable to continue any more.

Sasuke did a lot better than Sakura, he was an Uchiha after all he was destined to be better and do better than everyone else, well that's what he convinced himself anyway. He completed four circuits before the strain became too much even for him and he stumbled forward, his vision swimming and his body refusing to move.

Naruto on the other hand had no problems, all throughout the run he just casually jogged along, whenever he felt himself getting tired he would take a swig of _Rest_ the was hidden in his sake bottle. _Rest_ was a mixture that he came up with in his past life, it allowed the drinker to work all night and all day by giving them the feeling of being fully rested. It was a double edged sword though as the drinker's mind and body did not actually get any rest he just felt like he had. not like Naruto cared about the problems, every five circuits he would just take a swig of a mild healer to restore his muscles back to full health.

After a bit of rest both Sakura and Sasuke dragged themselves to their feet and wearily began to drag their feet forward, they didn't want to anger their self-admitted insane sensei. They changed their mind right about the time Naruto reached his eleventh circuit, the both simultaneously fell to the ground and said in unison, "fuck it. Nothing is worse than this."

"Why are you not running?" the actual Kakashi asked, he had gotten up an hour previously, with a slight growl and leaking Killing Intent.

"Fuck...you," Sasuke spat. "This...is... torture not...training."

"It's just a simple run," Kakashi stated, still leaking his Killing Intent, "even a tokubetsu Jounin could do it now get back up."

"Genin...not... Toku...jounin," Sakura gasped out weakly.

"Uzumaki isn't having any troubles," Kakashi pointed out, "he does not even appear to be tired."

"He's...too...drunk...too...know that...he...is tired," Saskue shot back.

"I'm actually sober," Naruto complained as he came closer, "this isn't sake in my bottle it's _Rest_ "

"Let me see that," Kakashi said holding his hand out for the bottle.

Naruto shrugged and gave it to him, Naruto then pulled out a bottle that was filled with sake and started to drink from it.

Now normally in a situation like this Kakashi would be the one to drink from the bottle to test the effects of this _Rest_. Normally. Without any warning Kakashi grabbed Sasuke by the back of the head and shoved the bottle into his mouth, forcing him to drink from it.

The effects were instant, Sasuke's breathing was no longer laboured, his eyes were more focussed and he had the energy to push Kakashi away a bit and throw the bottle at him. "What the fuck was that for!?" he shouted in anger.

Kakashi calmly grabbed the bottle from out of the air, "I wanted to see the effects of it in action," he pointed out.

"Why didn't you test it on yourself?" Sasuke snarled back, jumping to his feet.

Kakashi stared at him blankly, as if Sasuke was an idiot, before responding, "it might have been poisoned."

Sasuke just stared at his sensei in shock, not sure how to respond to something like that.

Naruto just watched the two in amusement as he emptied his bottle of sake, the run was apparently over for now.

Sakura, still on the floor and still exhausted stared at the bottle in Kakashi's hand. She had seen how energized Sasuke was after drinking some and she needed to have some as well. She needed it! Weakly, slowly, she crawled along the ground until she was able to reach up and snatch the bottle out of Kakashi's hand and downing it in one go. Sakura felt all of her fatigue just melt away and in a second she was on her feet, walking, jumping and even skipping around. "Wow this is pretty impressive," she admitted. She turned to face Naruto, "where did you get this?"

"Made it," Naruto blithely admitted, "it's nothing special, I usually only use it when I pull all-nighters."

"Side-effects?" Kakashi asked, he wasn't going to take everything Naruto said at face value but at the moment Naruto's word was the only information he would get.

Naruto shrugged, "depends what you mean by side-effects. It leaves you feeling as if you just got a good night's sleep but that is it. It doesn't actually give your mind or body any rest though so it's best not to use it too much or you could find that your body stops working."

"And i'm supposed to believe that a dobe like you created this all by yourself," Sasuke said sarcastically.

"Believe what you want," Naruto replied, pulling another bottle of sake out of his coat and drinking from it. "I don't actually give a fuck what any of you guys think about me as long, as I have my sake i'm good."

"Don't talk to Sasuke-kun like that Naruto-baka!" Sakura screeched.

"Does the dobe think he is better than me?" Sasuke asked with a sneer, ignoring Sakura's shriek.

A burst of Killing Intent was enough to silence the three genin and cause them to pay their sensei some attention. "Perhaps I was a bit rash in having you three do such a run," he began, "however I do not remember giving you permission to stop."

"B-but that r-run was way t-too long," Sakura objected nervously as she slowly backed away from her sensei.

"Wether it was too long or not is irrelevant," Kakashi growled. "MOVE!"

The three genin began their run yet again, "tch look what you two did," Sasuke muttered.

"Yeah Naruto-baka look what you did," Sakura added.

Naruto shrugged, "well guess you guys won't need any more _Rest_ then," he finished with a grin. "You are energetic enough to blame me for all of our mistakes after all."

...

It was almost eight at night when the trio of genin finished, Naruto had finished an hour before the other two. Instead of being dead on their feet, the trio were full of energy and well rested so to speak as Naruto had given in and shared some _Rest_ and some mild healer to Sasuke and Sakura every now and then. They were full of energy, in no pain but the fact still remains it had been a two hundred mile run and all of them were hungry and severely dehydrated.

"That was pathetic," Kakashi sneered, once they were all finished. "However I did not actually give you three a time limit so you won't be punished for it this time. All of you eat up and make sure to drink at least three litres of water, I don't want you to die."

Sakura, despite her ravenous hunger, only had a small salad with a bit of chicken in it and the required amount of water.

Naruto contented himself with a sandwich, some sake and one of his potions.

Sasuke had the lunch box that Sakura had made for him the night before, not that he knew that.

No one saw what Kakashi ate, or even if he head eaten.

"Sooo Narutooo?" Sakura began in an attempt to sound sweet and nice, "how much _Rest_ do you have left?"

"Bout half a bottle," came Naruto's response. "Oh well as long as we don't have to do any more run's like that we won't need to use it anyway."

Kakashi paused at that, a thought running through his mind. "What do you need to make some more Uzumaki?" he asked.

"Just a few herbs, the left half of a sheep's brain, a bit of copper and some of my blood. Why do you want me to make some up for you sensei?"

Kakashi ignored the question. "and how long can someone survive on _Rest_ and without any sleep?" he asked.

Realization dawned on Sakura and Sasuke's faces but Naruto remained either unknowing or uncaring for what was to come. "It depends on what you are doing in that time," he responded. "You need the sleep to allow your brain to process everything that has happened. If you do dull, monotonous work then you could theoretically go up to half a year with no sleep. If all you do is study all day every day then you could last a week and a half safely."

Kakashi nodded in understanding. "Write me a list of everything you'll need to make all of us a week's worth of _Rest_ and i'll send a Shadow Clone to go and buy everything."

"What's in it for me?" Naruto asked with a small smirk.

"I'll get my clone to pick up a bottle of sake."

"Deal!," Naruto agreed instantly.

"So is _R_ _est_ some of that Alchemy you were talking about yesterday when you dragged us to the bar?" Sakura asked after Kakashi sent off a clone.

Naruto nodded, "yeah it's pretty simple to make too. Useful as hell but still pretty simple."

"Teach me how to make it," Sasuke ordered.

"No point," Naruto replied. "It would be like you trying to teach me a jutsu. I may learn how to do the jutsu but I would never be able to actually use it, the same for you and Alchemy."

"You saying I can't do it?" Sasuke growled.

"Well yeah," came Naruto's blunt response. "To be capable of Alchemy you have to have an innate understanding of how the world works and that can't be taught."

"You're just worried that i'll be better at Alchemy than you," Sasuke challenged.

"Whatever you say," Naruto shrugged, taking a drink of a new bottle of sake.

 _"Where the hell does he store it all?"_ everyone thought.

...

...

...

There you go chapter three.

ending's a bit weak but otherwise im happy with it.

Two of Naruto's potions showed up _Rest_ and the unnamed weak as fuck healing potion.

So what do you guys think so far?


	4. Chapter 4

Naruto

When Kakashi's clone returned with Naruto's shopping list the first thing he did was check the sake bottle. It was old Yoi arukōru made from the time that the Land of Iron was first being formed. "Fuck this is some expensive sake sensei," he whistled in appreciation. Not even waiting for a response he opened the bottle and started drinking, "not too bad. I prefer Land of Earth's sake better though."

"Uzumaki I do not care to hear your opinion of the sake. Get to making _Rest_ ," Kakashi ordered.

Naruto shrugged, "sure thing boss," he responded, giving a flippant salute.

As Naruto went through the bags, he tried his best to ignore the fact that Sakura, Kakashi and Sasuke were watching him intently, _"they obviously want to learn how to make their own_ _Rest_ _,"_ he thought to himself in amusement.

Realising that he had forgotten to ask for a pot or a large bowl Naruto sighed before deciding that one of the plastic bags would have to work for now.

"What are each of the ingredients for?" Sakura asked once Naruto was done checking to make sure everything was there.

Naruto slowly held up each item as he told Sakura, and the other two just what it did. "Devil's claw works well against headaches and back-pains," he told them as he put the herb in an empty bag. "The bark of a White Willow is useful to help against muscle pains while the Licorice Root helps with fatigue and heals the adrenal receptors in your body. These three are the main ingredients in the Rest Elixir." He then picked up the sheep's brain and with a kunai cut it in half, discarding the right hemisphere and placing the left inside the bag with the herbs. "The left hemisphere of a sheep's brain causes the elixir to focus on the mental aspects of the herbs and not the physical aspects," he said, getting confused looks from Sakura and Sasuke. Naruto sighed, "essentially instead of getting rid of pain or headaches your body just thinks that you got rid of it," he told them.

"Why not actually get rid of the pains dobe," Sasuke asked.

"Because then it wouldn't actually do anything for the mental aspects of your body. You will still need to sleep," Naruto responded. _"This is why I never took on an apprentice,"_ he internally sighed.

"Why not do both," Kakashi asked.

Naruto rolled his eyes, "that would require a large amount of gold as a binding agent for the two different elixirs. It would even then most likely result in a large explosion. One does not simply combine Alchemical elixirs."

"Why not also make an...elixir that helps the body as well?" Sakura asked, obviously not realising or caring that Naruto was getting annoyed with her.

"Because I already have that made up," Naruto snapped. "What do you think was in that other bottle I was getting you two to sip on? It sure as hell wasn't any of my sake. Now are we done or can I get back to work here?"

Everyone stared at him in shock, they had never seen Naruto actually lose his cool before.

"Thank you for the information Uzumaki," Kakashi said. "You may resume your work."

Naruto resisted the urge to snap at Kakashi...barely. He then picked up a lump of raw copper, "good thing you got this instead of something more refined. Raw is better after all," he murmured before dropping it in the bag. Sakura opened her mouth but was stopped by Naruto holding up his hand, "the copper is used to represent blood as blood is high in copper. This allows the elixir to work internally instead of say applying it on the skin or on a weapon," he told her with a sigh.

Naruto picked up the kunai that still had some sheep's brain on it and cut his hand, allowing his blood to fall into the open bag. "My blood works as a sort of power booster as I regularly drink elixirs the residual power from them has gathered in my body."

"I find it hard to believe that you are going to turn all of that into an elixir, especially in a plastic bag of all things," Sasuke said with a small amount of derision in his voice.

"Yeah well go fuck yourself," Naruto growled out. "Oh and by the way bastard THIS is why you can't do Alchemy," with a touch of Naruto's hand to the plastic bag he began to focus. After a minute all of the bonds in the ingredients structure weakened and the solids turned to liquids.

Ignoring Sakura's and Sasuke's shock Naruto lifted his hands and forced the liquids in the bag to raise with his hands. _"Haven't done so much at once in a while,"_ he internally muttered as he strained to focus on the ball of liquid in the air. He forced it to condense, cooling it down as he did so. This was the most vital part of the process, if he condensed it too much then the effects would be too strong and may cause permanent brain damage, not enough and it wouldn't work. If he didn't cool it enough then it wouldn't mix properly, cool it too much and it would freeze and no one would be able to use it. Once it was the size of a basketball and Naruto was sure it was done he let out an order, "grab all of my empty sake bottles and open them up now!"

Sakura and Kakashi jumped to it while Sasuke just ignored him, probably thinking that he was too good to have to listen to the dobe.

Once all of Naruto's numerous empty sake bottles were ready he slowly pulled of strings of liquid and guided each string to a sake bottle opening and allowed the liquid to fill the bottles.

Once each and every single bottle was full and there was no more elixir left Naruto allowed himself to collapse backwards, breathing heavily and trying to ignore the way that everything refused to stop moving.

…

Sasuke

Sasuke stared at the dobe in wonder. The dobe couldn't use chakra, everyone knew that. So what had he just done? He turned solid objects, copper even! Into liquid with only a little bit of concentration, he had then without touching it forced the liquid into the air where he had condensed and manipulated it. Sasuke wasn't sure what it was exactly that the dobe had done but whatever it was it had certainly taken it out of him, the dobe looked like he was suffering from major exhaustion.

"Uchiha," came Kakashi's cold, business like tone.

Sasuke looked at him, wondering just what it was that his crazy sensei wanted when he paused... _"where did he get that?"_ he thought in shock. _"No that can't be, it's at home there's no way..."_ "Where the fuck did you get that," Sasuke snarled, his voice full of hatred as he snatched the guitar from Kakashi's hands.

"From your apartment," came Kakashi's blunt answer.

" _Of course from my apartment,"_ Sasuke thought sarcastically. _"You just broke into my apartment and stole one of my most prized possessions, sensei of the year right here!"_

"I want to see how good you are. Play," Kakashi ordered.

Sasuke let out a small growl, "why should I?" he asked as he looked over the guitar, looking for any marks or damage done to it.

"Play or run. Your choice Uchiha."

Sasuke had to resist the urge to smash Kakashi with a heavy blunt object, only because the only heavy blunt object was his guitar and he would die before he let something happen to it. "Fine," he spat.

"Sasuke-kun, you're going to play something for me?" the banshee asked in her annoying voice.

Sasuke ignored her and began to play a song that he had personally written. It was a dark song, he knew that. If his psychologist heard him play it then Sasuke knew that he would be medicated but he didn't care. It made him feel better to release his feelings like this and the song practically screamed them out, not that he actually sang the words, just played the chords.

" _I feel it deep within…..the nightmare's just begun...it wants my soul, it wants my heart… maybe it's inside of me..._ I must confess that I feel like a monster!," Sasuke sang, not realising that he was no longer singing internally but out loud for everyone to hear.

When he finally finished the song Sasuke opened his eyes, unaware that he had closed them while playing, and found out that everyone was staring at him in wonder, except Kakashi.

"Damn," the dobe muttered, obviously in awe of sasuke's skill, "never knew you could sing so well Sasuke," he finished.

Sasuke stared at the dobe, _"wait what!?"_

"You have a beautiful voice Sasuke-kun," the banshee said, tears in her eyes.

Sasuke could feel himself heat up, _"oh kami no! Please no, please let it be a lie please kami!"_ Sasuke mentally begged, he had not just sung his original song out for everyone to hear. He hadn't!

"I agree," came Kakashi's bland voice. "While the subject was a little dark I have to admit you do show excellent aptitude for the guitar Uchiha."

Sasuke jumped to his feet, "I'm done for the night. I'm going home," he growled praying to Kami that no one could see the embarrassment all over his face.

Sasuke hadn't even gotten two steps when he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder and a kunai to his neck. "I did not give you permission to leave Uchiha," Kakashi stated coldly, "now sit the fuck down!"

…

Kakashi

Kakashi observed his three students, it still felt weird to think of them as that, quietly. The run had already told him several things about them, just as the aftermath had done as well.

He had learnt that Uzumaki was not the fastest of the group and was only barely faster than Haruno. Uzumaki also was not afraid to use his elixirs, as he called them, to assist himself when desired. He appeared to have little patience when explaining his alchemy to others, a trait that Kakashi had found many masters of their arts had. The 'alchemical process' for lack of a better term had taken a lot out of Uzumaki but he had gotten better in a manner of minutes, Kakashi would have to decrease that time if he was going to get Uzumaki to make elixirs in the field.

Uchiha on the other hand was a pleasing surprise. He was faster than the others by a large margin and would be the equal of the average chuunin in speed. He was also exceptionally skilled with his guitar and his song had affected even Kakashi's cold, dead heart, if only slightly. Despite his arrogance and his skill he was easily embarrassed by his skill with the guitar. Kakashi would have to rid him off that embarrassment, a skilled bard could get work anywhere and that would be useful.

He hadn't learnt as much from Haruno but he had learnt what he needed to. She was slow and her stamina was pathetic but she did have promise. Every single step she took even while exhausted was soundless and Kakashi had to almost strain his ears to hear her while she was gasping for breath during the run. She didn't eat nearly as well as a ninja should but that wasn't Kakashi's problem, he was to train them not feed them, if she died from malnourishment then she died.

Kakashi sighed, he had seen some of Uzumaki's alchemy and some of Uchiha's musical talent time to see what Haruno can do, Might as well involve all three of them instead of just her though.

Kakashi pulled out three kunai and tossed them, one landing in front of each genin. "time for a test," he announced seriously. "You three are to go to a different building each, you are then to sneak around and try to 'kill' the other two. No jutsu and no alchemy, you may only use the kunai I have given you and whatever else you can find in the area. Do you understand?"

"Yes sensei," Haruno replied.

"Whatever," Uchiha growled.

"Sure," Uzumaki answered with a shrug of his shoulders and a drink of his sake.

"You have five minutes before the test will begin. Move!" he ordered, watching in minor amusement as all three of them jumped to attention. Well Haruno and Uchiha jumped, Uzumaki just gave a lazy salute and walked off to a building, an apartment complex. _"Probably wishes to hide in the crawl space and drink."_

When all three were in a different building and ready to begin Kakashi created three shadow clones, one to follow each of his students, and waited for the test to begin.

…

…

…

Yoi arukōru according to translate that means good alcohol.

Yes Sasuke played monster by skrillex, love the song.

…

So sakue can play and Naruto can make expensive and odd tasting cocktails. Next chapter will let Sakura shine.

Hope you guys are enjoying this and as always read, review and join my army in an effort to destroy that evil abomination…..Howard the Duck!


	5. Chapter 5

Sakura

Sakura looked around herself, taking in her surroundings and everything that she could use for the test that Kakashi-sensei had given her. She was currently in an abandoned movie theatre, there were snacks on the shelves, the power still worked and Sakura had found out that there were film reels just waiting to be played. Nothing that Sakura found she believed to be useful so next she took stock of the situation. _"Kakashi-sensei told us to go to a different building each and after five minutes we are to hunt down and kill each other. Knowing Naruto-baka he will most likely just laze around doing nothing but drink sake like he did during the Academy. Sasuke-kun is the only one to worry about,"_ she decided. _"Of course I have no chance of beating someone as cool as Sasuke-kun but if I do well he may fall for me,"_ at that thought Sakura let out a small squeal before trying to compose herself. _"Then we can go on dates and kiss and he can put his thing in my…."_ needless to say it took Sakura a while to actually compose herself and remove the perverted thoughts from her mind.

After a while Sakura finally gathered her thoughts and after fixing up her dishevelled hair, _"I must always look my best for Sasuke-kun after all,"_ she once more began to plan for the test that was already underway.

" _Sasuke-kun was never as good at stealth or never very aware of those around him, why would he be his Sharingan would be all that he will need for that after all, he would also believe that no one could get the drop on him so he wouldn't even worry about a sneak attack. Sasuke-kun will most likely wait for one of us to appear and challenge him, why wouldn't we want to challenge him and prove ourselves his better, is what he is probably thinking,"_ Sakura decided. _"Naruto-baka will be lazing around and Sasuke-kun will be waiting to be challenged, I can't let Sasuke-kun wait much longer. I'll try and sneak up on him and if I am lucky I will 'kill' him and then move on to Naruto-baka. I must do this, for Sasuke-kun's love!"_ Her plan decided Sakura quietly ghosted out of the movie theatre and in to the building next door.

The building was clear and so was the next one and the next one after that. Eventually on the steps of a clan house Sakura came across Sasuke-kun.

…

Kakashi Clones

The Kakashi clones were watching their targets intently. Uzumaki was in the closet of an apartment casually drinking from his sake bottle. The clone watching Uzumaki had to admit that the idea had some semblance of thought to it. The other two were more skilled than Uzumaki and the boy knew it, he also knew that he had no chance against them in a fight so to put it simply he wasn't going to fight them he was going to wait them out, drinking his sake and do nothing until they gave up. It wouldn't work, the original Kakashi would not let them give up until the test was over.

Uchiha had a different idea, he sat on the steps of a clan house, his guitar was far to the side, safe from any possible damage. Uchiha's idea was to allow the other two to see him, to come to him. By being in an open area then the chances of any of them sneaking up on him was finite, well that's what he thought anyway.

The clone watched as Haruno stalked up to Uchiha, unseen and unheard. She slowly, step by step by step, sneaked up on his back. Her kunai was out and she was prepared, not prepared enough to actually kill Uchiha but it was enough for the purposes of this test.

"I got you Sasuke-kun," she announced happily, loudly, as the tip of her kunai touched Uchiha's back. It wouldn't have been a killing shot but the Kakashi clone would allow it for now.

…

Sasuke

Sasuke stiffened, in surprise not fear he feared nothing, when he heard the banshee's happy shout, right beside his ear and when he felt her kunai at his back. He Uchiha Sasuke, the last Uchiha, the Uchiha prodigy, genius of his class, he had been beaten by a fangirl!

"NO!" he shouted out in anger, twisting around and swinging his fist at the banshee, "I REFUSE!"

Sasuke had to admit that he felt immense satisfaction in the feeling of his fist crushing her nose, he had even more satisfaction in seeing her get sent flying back. It served the banshee right, he would never be defeated not until he killed his broth...that man!

Pulling out his kunai Sasuke advanced on the banshee. He smirked as he caught sight of her blood and tear-stained face, this was what happened to those who thought that they could beat him. Uchiha Sasuke would never lose, he would never be defeated, "never," he whispered as he lowered his kunai, placing it against the banshee's neck.

"I got you Sakura-chan," he cruelly echoed the banshee before he pushed his kunai forward.

Sasuke watched in fascination as her blood pooled on the ground and the life left her eyes. Strangely enough Sasuke did not feel satisfaction as he watched the banshee die, he did not feel enjoyment, Sasuke didn't feel anything.

As Sasuke stared into the banshee's eyes they appeared to change, to morph until Sasuke was staring at the Mangekyo Sharingan….Itachi's Mangekyo Sharingan. They seemed to be saying _'just like me. Aren't you Otouto. Just like your big brother.'_

Letting out a scream of fear and rage Sasuke brought his kunai forward, slashing at the banshee's eyes over and over again but no matter what he did he could still see them, telling him that he was just like Itachi. Sasuke hated it and soon he was on the ground, curled up and crying, begging for them to leave him alone.

They didn't leave him alone, even with his eyes closed he could see them.

…

Sakura

Sakura stared at Sasuke-kun in shock, he had tried to kill her? Sasuke-kun had tried to kill her? Her Sasuke-kun had tried to kill her? It...it just didn't make sense he had tried to kill her? Why had he tried to kill her? Why!? "why?" she asked aloud. "Why would he try to...why would Sasuke-kun...why?" Tears were streaming down her face as she watched her team-mate, her crush and her would be killer, cry on the ground. Kakashi-sensei had informed her that he was under the effect of a genjutsu as punishment for trying to kill a comrade.

"I do not dare to imagine what could cause someone to attempt to kill a comrade, nor do I care," Kakashi-sensei told her coldly. "All I care about is that he attempted it once, if he attempts it again then I will not hesitate to end his life."

"Don't you care about him at all?" Sakura asked in shock.

Kakashi-sensei looked at her blankly with his one eye, "why would I care about any of you?" he asked confused, "I do not know you well nor have you three given me a reason to care to know you. Uchiha over there tried to kill a comrade, Uzumaki does not wish to be here and you are more focused on gaining the Uchiha's attention than anything else. What do I have to care about?" he asked in his emotionless voice.

Sakura stared at her sensei in shock, _"are we really that bad?"_ she asked herself, _"yes we are. Naruto never made it a secret that he didn't want to be a ninja, Sasuke-kun DID just try to kill me and I...I spend my nights watching over Sasuke-kun...why would sensei want anything to do with us?"_

"You still have to find and 'kill' Uzumaki," Kakashi-sensei said, interrupting her thoughts.

"Wh-what?"

"Uzumaki, you still have to 'kill' him," Kakashi-sensei repeated. "The test is still ongoing and it will not be over until you or Uzumaki 'kills' the other."

"R-right," Sakura stammered weakly, how she hated how weak she sounded. "I-i'll just go do that sensei," she muttered before heading off in search of Naruto.

An hour and a half later she had finally found Naruto-baka in a closet, drinking from his limitless supply of sake. With a half hearted 'you're dead' and a quick poke with her kunai Sakura grabbed his sake bottle and downed it's contents in one go.

"Wow what the fuck happened to you?" Naruto-baka asked her lazily as he pulled another sake bottle out of his coat and started to drink from it.

Something about the way he said it just got to Sakura, it drove her up the wall, broke the camel's back, frayed her last nerve, it caused Sakura to lose it. "Some of us don't just laze around ignoring life BAKA!" she screamed, slamming her fist into Naruto's face and causing the blonde to fall to the floor in his closet.

Instead of shouting out in anger or pain, or even cowering at her fury the blonde instead just took another drink from his sake bottle. "I couldn't care less about life," he muttered. "Who wants to do their best, be the best they can be and make something of themselves. That path only leads to pain and suffering. It's best to just plod along your life and try to enjoy the little things without aiming for the big things," the haunted look in Naruto's eyes was enough for Sakura to know that he was speaking from experience. Sakura took one step away from him, then another and another until eventually she was running, running away from him, sensei and Sasuke-kun. Sakura just needed to get away from all of them so she just ran and ran and ran.

After a while she stopped running and just collapsed as her thoughts caught up to her. Kakashi-sensei was tortured into insanity, he had admitted that. Sasuke-kun had tried to kill her because she had beaten him in a test. Naruto-baka refused to try and make anything of himself, he was so broken that all he wanted to do was drink sake all day, every day. Then there was Sakura, she knew she had a problem, since she could remember she always found herself obsessed, idolizing in a certain person until she couldn't help but follow him, stalk him and do everything she could to know everything about him. Her team, team seven was broken, so very, very broken and Sakura had no idea what to do. She wasn't sure if she wanted to continue on anymore, did she really want to be a ninja if it meant being in a team with such people? Why did she want to be a ninja anyway?

Sakura's thoughts were interrupted by a sake bottle appearing right in her face, "drink up," came Naruto-baka's voice. "It helps."

Sakura stared at the bottle as if it was an alien object before picking it up, "why are you here?" she asked, opening the bottle.

"When you suddenly turned and ran away, I was worried," he replied sincerely, taking a seat next to her on the ground.

Sakura snorted as she took a drink from her bottle, "you worried? I remember the day that you walked into the woman's bath just for a reaction. Nothing worries you."

"What would I have to worry about all they did was hurt me a bit and threaten me, they didn't kill me or permanently cripple me," was his blithe response.

"We are so broken," Sakura whispered to herself so quietly he wouldn't hear.

They sat in uncomfortable silence before Sakura finally gathered the courage to ask what she wanted, "why are you a ninja?" she blurted out.

Naruto stared at her, the corners of his mouth quirked upwards in amusement before he responded, "the old man threatened to kill me if I didn't become a strong ninja," he responded.

Sakura stared at him in shock, she didn't know who 'the old man' was but she couldn't believe that someone would kill him over something so trivial as to whether he became a strong ninja or not. "Why would he do that?" she asked in slight horror.

Naruto finished off his bottle of sake, "some crap about it being for the good of the village and other stupid bullshit," was his reply. "didn't really care too much about the why just the fact that if I didn't play along then everything I've done, all the suffering I've faced would be for nothing."

"Just...just what have you done?" Sakura asked hesitantly.

Naruto just gave her a mirthless smile, "sorry Sakura I like you but I don't like you that much yet," was his response.

"You...you l-like me?" Sakura asked as she could feel her face heating up.

"Of course," came Naruto's casual response. "You, me, Sasuke and even Kakashi are all friends aren't we?" he asked. "I mean sure Sasuke is a bit of a bastard, you can be a little annoying and Kakashi is as emotional as my pet rock but hey we're still friends and I wouldn't trade you guys for anything…...except for maybe some really high-grade sake but only maybe." He then jumped to his feet and began to walk back to the training ground, "Look I'm gonna go back before Kakashi forces us to run another few hundred miles again. If you ever need to talk just come and find me ok?" he asked, giving her a soft smile.

Sakura just nodded in response as she thought over Naruto's words. _"Maybe….just maybe this won't be so bad after all,"_ she thought to herself. _"I'll give it some time before I make my decision,"_ her plan in mind Sakura also got to her feet and began to make her way back to the training ground as well.

…

Kakashi and his Clones

Two of Kakashi's clones watched over Uzumaki and Haruno while the original watched over Uchiha.

After Uchiha's genjutsu had come to an end he slowly stopped his crying and looked around himself. He appeared to be shocked when he realised that Haruno's corpse was no longer there and after a few minutes of staring into space he spat out the word 'genjutsu!'. With a roar of anger Uchiha did the seals for a Great Fireball jutsu and let it fly out to a nearby tree. He created another one and another one and another until finally the tree was nothing but ash.

" _Personality, arrogant over skills as a ninja, easily embarrassed over his creative skills, anger problems and has no desire to call comrades_ by their names or get to know them and their capabilities," Kakashi thought to himself as he watched Uchiha.

After Uchiha finished with his temper tantrum he walked over to his guitar and started to play, there were no words or even a coherent tune, he appeared to be playing more as an attempt to calm himself down and relax. _"Good. Uchiha will need to relax in time for the next test, though I'll have to teach him not to be so oblivious to his surroundings."_

The clones watching Haruno and Uzumaki had different thoughts about their targets. _"Haruno appears to carry an unhealthy amount of thought about one's own sanity, she is a ninja and no ninja is sane, will have to show her that sanity is not necessarily a good thing. On the other side though she is capable of following her orders despite her personal distress, will be interesting to see if she will kill or torture a target. If the rest of the tests go how I believe they will then Haruno will be a prime candidate for assassination and black ops missions."_

And then there was the clone watching Uzumaki, _"Uzumaki despite how he portrays himself as uncaring appears to have some desire to help his comrades. Is it because their existence will help his existence continue or is it something else? Does Uzumaki actually care for Uchiha and Haruno? Will have to find out the answer to that as soon as possible. Uzumaki also has experienced some great tragedy with the way he talks, it almost sounds like he has gone through the torture only an ANBU could give but he has been watched personally by the Hokage and as such wouldn't have been subject to such an experience, could the Bijuu's memories be affecting him? Will have to get Jiraiya-sama to look at his seal when possible._ _Whatever the cause of his feelings are it is obvious that Uzumaki uses his sake as a form of self-medication, is alchemy not suited for such a task? Will have to get a list of everything that he can do with his alchemy."_

Once Kakashi's clones had dispersed, giving him their memories he got ready for the next test of the night. One quick _Shunshin_ later and he had a surprised looking Uchiha sitting in a group with a surprised, and slightly wary, Haruno and an uncaring Uzumaki. "Time for the next test," Kakashi announced, almost allowing a smile to appear on his masked face, almost. "All jutsu and alchemy is allowed. For the purposes of this test you three are to survive as long as you can against me. I will only be using taijutsu for the purposes of this test. You have five minutes to come up with a plan starting NOW!"

…

…

…

So Sasuke is a bastard, Kakashi is emotionless, Sakura is obsessive and Naruto has a pet rock.

I admit the chapter was supposed to be nothing like this, don't worry the testing thing will end soon and stop dragging on.

Now as always read, review and ask yourself do you know…..the muffin man? DO YOU?


	6. Chapter 6

Five minutes, five minutes in which three people had to come up with a plan to survive against their insane sensei. While it is true that a team of genin with great co-ordination can take down even the strongest of ninja that hinges on one important fact. They have to trust each other!

Sakura and Sasuke saw Naruto as the dead-last of the Academy, the boy who's only goal in life was to drink as much sake as possible and nothing else. Sure Sakura was beginning to realize that there was more to Naruto than she first thought but she still didn't trust him to be much help.

Sasuke saw Sakura as an annoying pink-haired, banshee of a fangirl, he did not like her, think anything of her and had even tried to kill her, he felt bad about it but not for any of the right reasons. Sasuke, in his mind, knew that Sakura would be absolutely useless in the purposes of this test and that he would be better on his own.

Sakura still liked Sasuke, she would admit that and she knew how useful he would be in this situation, he probably could not take down Kakashi on his own but he would be the most useful in an attempt to do so but…..how could you trust someone who had tried to kill you? At that point in time Sakura trusted Naruto more than Sasuke and she wasn't going to ask Naruto for help.

Naruto personally had no problems working with his two team-mates, he also had no problems not working with them. The point of the test may be to see their combat capabilities and their teamwork but Naruto knew it would all end the same way, with them on the ground in pain and Kakashi insulting them so Naruto just leaned back and drank his sake, waiting for the pain to begin.

Then the five minutes were up and without any warning Kakashi charged them.

…

Naruto

Naruto watched calmly as Sasuke and Sakura jumped into nearby buildings, hiding and waiting for a chance to attack. He just ignored them and braced himself as Kakashi's fist hit him in the stomach sending him collapsing to his knees in a gasp of pain. "Fight or die," Kakashi growled out.

"Fuck that hurt," Naruto groaned, rolling over onto his front.

Kakashi's boot caught Naruto under the chin as he kicked him, sending the blonde's head snapping back and his vision to swim. "Fight or die," Kakashi repeated.

Groaning in pain Naruto's hand searched his coat for the pocket holding his healer. It took him a few moments but he was able to get a few sips of it and his body was all healed up. "Fine," he sighed, getting to his knees before pulling himself to a standing position. "You want to fight? Then bring it."

Kakashi nodded once before he charged Naruto again, his fist swinging forward. Reacting more on instinct than anything else Naruto brought a bottle up out of his coat and blocked Kakashi's strike with it. Now naturally when a glass bottle is hit with an extreme amount of force it shatters and it's contents go everywhere. This was slightly different. When the bottle shattered a large amount of grey goo was sent, not everywhere, but straight down. As soon as it touched the ground it surged up once more, three metres in height and three metres in width creating a solid stone wall, which had incidentally trapped Kakashi's arm in it.

"Like it?" Naruto asked as he quickly pulled another bottle out of his pocket, "it's called _Liquid Stone_ I'm sure you can understand why."

Kakashi's other fist demolished the wall just as Naruto downed the contents of his new sake bottle.

"It's….interesting," Kakashi admitted. "But if you hope to survive against me you will need more than a simple wall to protect you."

Naruto smirked as he felt the blood in his veins turn to ice water and a pale blue sheen cover his skin. "Don't worry I have more," he promised. "So much more." Naruto rushed forward and attempted to tackle Kakashi only to miss. Kakashi had leaped into the air, flipping gracefully over Naruto as he did so.

"I'm not impressed," came Kakashi's bland response before a boot found it's self lodged in Naruto's gut. It hurt, bad, but it was okay because Naruto's plan had worked. Pulling himself weakly to his feet Naruto came face to face with a frozen Kakashi.

"It's called _Frost Blood_ ," Naruto informed his frozen sensei, "Impressed yet?"

"More impressed than I was," came Kakashi's bland voice from right in Naruto's ear.

Kunai in his hand Naruto span around, intent on getting his sensei only to hit nothing. Kakashi was at arm's length away from him. "What happened to only taijutsu?" Naruto asked, one of his hands reaching into his coat. He had a special bottle there to use for situations just like this.

"I lied," Kakashi responded simply. "It's a ninja thing," he then pulled out kunai and started to throw each one right at Naruto.

Reacting quick Naruto dropped to the ground and swallowed the contents of his bottle. It worked fast, faster than any of his other elixir's but then again it's whole purpose was speed. Lightning filled Naruto's nerves and he fought against the urge to scream in pain as _Frost Blood_ and _Bolt_ fought against each other. Being under the effect of two elixir's was suicidal for most people and it was only Naruto's constant exposure that allowed him to live, it still hurt like hell. _"Gotta finish this now,'_ he internally commanded himself before jumping to his feet. The world around him was moving in slow motion, the kunai that Kakashi had thrown were crawling along at a snail's pace and so Naruto quickly rushed forward, his intent was to take Kakashi out and end the stupid test before the elixir's in him knocked him out.

"Sorry sensei I win," Naruto smirked as his hand went flying forward and gripped Kakashi by the throat. Slowly Naruto watched as Ice crept out from the point of contact and completely covered Kakashi's whole body before bursting into smoke. "Fuck," Naruto sighed.

"Sorry Uzumaki but I win," came Kakashi's voice before a blunt object smashed into Naruto's head and everything went black.

…

Sakura

Sakura watched in shock as Naruto fought Kakashi-sensei. He pulled a stone wall out of nowhere, froze Kakashi-sensei and then moved so fast that she couldn't keep track of him. It was only because the first Kakashi-sensei thawed out that he had been beaten.

Then Kakashi-sensei turned to look at her with his one eye.

Stifling a scream Sakura ran through the back of the building, a shop, that she was in and out the back door.

"Going somewhere?" came Kakashi-sensei's voice from right above her.

Sakura didn't turn to face him, she didn't keep running forward, no she quickly jumped backwards into the shop and slammed the door closed. "What am I going to do?" she whispered to herself, desperately. "What am I going to do, I have no chance against him even Naruto was beaten easi...THAT'S IT!" Sakura exclaimed, loudly shouting out the last bit before covering her mouth with her hands. _"Hopefully it works."_

"I just need to keep him from realising what I'm planning," she muttered to herself.

"Oh and what are you planning?" a voice whispered in her ear.

Letting out a scream out terror, Sakura dashed to the side, rolling under one of the shop benches as she did so and ended up running for the front door. _"Screw a plan just do it!"_ she decided as she ran out into the street.

She was almost to her destination when a fist buried it's self in her back. The pain was horrible, worse than that time she had to spar with Kiba back in the Academy. Letting out a scream of pain Sakura was sent flying forward, collapsing on the ground right next to Naruto.

"Is that all you have?" Kakashi-sensei asked cruelly a he stood over her. "Maybe I should just kill you know and save our enemies the chance to do it."

Kakashi-sensei pulled out a kunai and slowly lowered it towards Sakura. She was going to die, her sensei was going to kill her and there was nothing she would be able to do. She was going to die. Sakura just let out a scream of terror and waited for the inevitable to happen.

Just as the kunai was inches from her head it was rapidly pulled away and used to deflect several incoming shuriken. "Looks like you get to live...for now," Kakashi-sensei told her coldly as he deflected all of Sasuke-kun's shuriken.

…

Sasuke

Sasuke advanced on Kakashi, throwing shuriken after shuriken. He hadn't thrown his shuriken in an effort to save the banshee, he hadn't!, it was just a good chance to get Kakashi by surprise, it was!

"I'm surprised you didn't run like the little coward you are," Kakashi taunted. "You should know that you have no chance of even touching me."

Sasuke growled before he pulled his fuma shuriken off of his back and rushed forward. Leaping into the air he flipped over Kakashi and slashed down at him with his fuma shuriken only for Kakashi to lazily step to the side. The second Sasuke's feet touched the ground he threw the fuma in an attempt to hit his sensei with it. Kakashi just ducked under it.

"is that the best you have?" Kakashi asked lazily, "I have the urge to read my book right now."

Sasuke smirked as he pulled on the wire connected to his fuma, sending it to turn around and fly right at Kakashi's exposed back. "I win."

Kakashi just bent forward causing the fume to pass right over him and right towards Sasuke. It was only because of Sasuke's great skills that he was able to dodge to the side, though the fuma did cut a deep gash into his left arm.

"No Uchiha," Kakashi said coldly as he stood over Sasuke, "it appears that I win."

Whatever Kakashi was going to do next was interrupted by a scream piercing the air and a sense of bloodlust smothering everything.

…

Sakura

Sakura felt her entire body heat up, it felt like she was on fire and the pain was indescribable. What was the problem? Why was she in so much pain? The bottle was the same as that healing stuff why did she hurt so much? Her eyes lit up on Sasuke and Kakashi. Them it was there fault that she was in so much pain. She would kill them!

Letting out a roar of hatred Sakura rushed forward, her steps were faster and stronger than usual but she paid it no notice as she sent her fist flying, slamming into Sasuke's face and sending him flying back.

"Haruno stand down," Kakashi ordered.

How dare he order her? Who did he think he is? She would make him suffer. Twisting around Sakura brought her leg up and then down, aiming for Kakashi's head but he was able to dodge to the side and as such her foot smashed through the ground, splitting the concrete. **"Hold still!"** __Sakura snarled, leaping at him once more.

Kakashi's leg came up and he caught her under her ribs, the force of his kick sending her flying into a nearby building. Sakura barely noticed the wreckage around her as she pulled herself to her feet. What she did notice was a support post of the building near her, she grabbed onto it, ripping it out of it's holding and charged towards Kakashi, swinging the post as she did so.

Two hands grabbed her ankles, just before she reached Kakashi, and the next thing Sakura knew she was pulled into the ground until only her head was above the concrete.

" **Let me out of here!"** Sakura ordered. **"When I get out of here, I'll make you scream, make you beg for mercy. I will end you Kakashi!"**

Kakashi just ignored her as he moved to check on Sasuke and Naruto.

…

Kakashi

Kakashi went over the results of the test in his mind. Uzumaki was definitely an unpredictable and resourceful fighter, his alchemy could potentially turn the tide of any battle if used correctly.

Uchiha was as prideful and arrogant as expected but it appeared he would not allow a comrade to be killed while he did nothing, not that Kakashi would kill Haruno. His skills with shuriken, fuma shuriken and ninja wire was only mid-chunin level but Kakashi would fix that soon.

Haruno's instincts were good even if her combat capability wasn't. He may have given her warnings but she always evaded into the safest places away from most of his attacks.

He would have to figure out what had happened to Haruno near the end though. Her skin had turned red, her eyes black, she was literally frothing at the mouth and the amount of bloodlust she was leaking was comparable to a high-level jonin. Her physical capabilities were also increased to mid-jonin level though her rationality and thought processes seemed to suffer. It was most likely the effect of one of Uzumaki's elixirs, Kakashi would have to interrogate him to find out just what had happened.

…

,,,

,,,

 _Liquid Stone:_ Liquid stone is a bottle that holds a grey goo. When the contents of the bottle are released they will head straight to the ground before surging up and creating a solid stone wall that is three metres high, three metres wide and five centimetres thick. Everything in the way will be caught in the stone wall. If there is not enough space e.g. in a tight hallway then the stone wall will use it's excess mass to thicken the wall.

 _Frost Blood:_ The drinker of frost blood will find that his body temperature will decrease dramatically and his skin will take on a blue, icy sheen. The drinker of frost blood will gain the frost touch ability where anything he touches will be frozen in a sheet of ice almost instantly for ten seconds. The effects of frost blood last one minute.

 _Bolt:_ the drinker of Bolt will feel as if lightening fills every single nerve and neuron in his body, this will quicken his body and his brain for the span of one minute and seventeen seconds. Once Bolt wears off the user will find that his body is sluggish and almost completely unresponsive for an equal time of one minute and seventeen seconds. Taking more than one dose of Bolt in an hour can potentially harm the users nerves and neurons permanently.

I'm sure you can all tell what Sakura took

…

Naruto showed his stuff, Sasuke saved a life, Kakashi kicked ass and Sakura has a support beam.

To **Hysteria Majesty:** Yes. Yes I am awesome. I am in fact Awesome Incarnate, the god of awesome. The being which every other awesome being aspires to be and all that other bullshit. Thanks :D

As always read, review and tell me how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?


	7. Chapter 7

Sasuke

Despite the overwhelming need for a good night's sleep that Sasuke felt he did not go straight to his apartment after the week long testing was over. Instead he walked through the desolate Uchiha District, past the main house to the fields behind it. The fields that were filled with grave after grave. Every single grave bearing the body of HIS victims.

Sasuke ignored the feelings that seeing his family's graves cause him and he walked forward. Past row after row of graves, headstone after headstone until he finally reached his destination. It was in a small clearing of graves where he came up to the large stone statue of Uchiha Mikoto, his mother. It was life sized and created by the best sculptor found in Hi no Kuni. The small clearing was also a small garden for lilies, his mothers favourite flower.

Smiling softly despite the pain he felt looking at his mother's grave, Sasuke sat down facing it with his legs crossed.

"Hello mother," he said aloud. "I'm sorry for being away for so long. I was on a week long test with my new team."

 _'What are your team mates like?'_ Sasuke could almost hear his mother's voice ask.

"They..." Sasuke hesitated, unsure of what he should say. Should he lie and tell her that they are already fast friends or should he be honest? After a few minutes deliberation Sasuke made his decision. "They are wonderful mother, we are already best friends" he told the grave, tears slowly forming in his eyes. "Sakura is a civilian born girl yet she is so smart and is probably the stealthiest person I've ever met, she could even sneak up on me. Then there's Naruto he can make these elixirs as he calls them, they can do anything from heal you to make a stone wall appear. Naruto can't use Chakra but even I would struggle to beat him in a fight." Sasuke paused to take a deep, shuddering breath before continuing. "There is also Kakashi-sensei, he helped me awaken my Sharingan. I'm slowly getting closer to killing HIM and avenging you mother. I promise I will get revenge for you, I will make him pay for what he did to you."

 _'You don't need to get revenge for me my sweat child, just live a happy life,'_ Sasuke knew that's what his mother would say in this situation.

He shook his head, "but how can I just let him get away with what he did to you mother?" he asked, sounding weak even to his own ears. This time no response was given so Sasuke just stayed quiet. Eventually his exhaustion got the better of him and he fell asleep, dreaming of his mother and the night she was killed.

…

Sakura

Sakura walked into her house without a single word. Normally she would be following Sasuke-kun but for the moment she was to tired, all she wanted was her bed. Kizashi was currently at the table while Mebuki was in front of the television, they didn't even notice her as she walked past, it was better that way.

She walked into her room, bare of everything but the essentials, and began to secrete her gear away in the hidden wall panel that she had created years ago. It wouldn't do for any of her stuff to be stolen after all. After putting away her gear and getting changed Sakura checked to make sure that her door was locked, not that it would change anything it just gave her some comfort, crawled into her bed and prayed for the night to be a short one.

It wasn't, it never was.

…

Naruto

Naruto walked into his apartment, over the trash, past the animal carcase and into his closet where he climbed up into the crawl space. He was tired and in desperate need of some sleep but he did not move to his bed, he instead made his way to his Alchemy station.

Having made sure to gather all of the materials on his way home Naruto went through the process of making some more _Rest_. Kakashi's week long test and sharing with the others had used up his entire lot.

Barely able to think from sleep deprivation and his eyes forcing themselves closed every other second Naruto began the process. He needed his _Rest_ after all.

One near spill, one ice burn and several accidents later Naruto had finished his elixir and downed it all. It had been seventy nine days and thirteen hours since the last time he had been asleep, the headaches were growing worse but he could ignore all of that if it meant he didn't have to sleep tonight.

…

Kakashi

As Kakashi stood in front of the Hokage, waiting to give his report he went over the events of the last week.

He had gone through every single test imaginable, some were productive, some weren't but h had gone through all of them thanks to the extra time granted by Uzumaki's _Rest_.

The results were less than impressive, they were in fact down right pathetic.

"Report," the Hokage ordered, breaking Kakashi of his thoughts.

Kakashi jumped into a salute, "Hatake Kakashi, Jounin Instructor of Team Seven. Ninja Registration Number zero zero nine seven two zero," Kakashi announced. "I am here to report on the findings of the tests that I conducted on Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura."

"And just what have you found out Kakashi?" the Hokage asked him, lighting his pipe as he did so.

"The Academy curriculum needs to be scrapped and rebuilt," Kakashi responded. "A team of Chunin would be capable of defeating and killing them."

The Hokage let out a long sigh, "they are Genin Kakashi. The fact that it would require a team of Chunin to handle them is impressive. Now please get on to the rest of your report."

Kakashi mentally disagreed with the Hokage's statement, if they couldn't handle a single Jounin each then they were weak, pathetically weak, though he did not say that aloud instead he gave his report.

He told of Uzumaki's unwillingness to do anything unless under threat of death. He reported on Haruno's poor combat capabilities and the unnecessary importance she places on sanity. He commented about Uchiha's lack of non-combat skills and his arrogance.

The Hokage let out another long sigh, "do you have anything positive to mention about them at all?" he asked.

Kakashi wanted to tell his Hokage that there was nothing good about them at all but that would just get him reprimanded so he said what the Hokage wanted to hear. "With his alchemy Uzumaki is an interesting and resourceful ninja, combat against him is like fighting against one ninja with several different blood line limits. His _Rest_ and healer could also win a war almost completely by themselves. Haruno is a natural stealth expert, her footsteps and breathing are almost completely silent even to my ears, she also has good instincts for evasion. Uchiha despite his arrogance is a born combat expert and has the potential to be an S-rank ninja one day though I will have to force other skills into him."

The Hokage nodded as he took all of this in, "was that so hard Kakashi?" he asked with a smirk.

Kakashi wanted to admit that yes it was hard, it was painstakingly hard to praise such mediocre levelled skills but that would not have gone down well. "No Hokage-sama." he responded instead.

The Hokage's smirk widened slightly more and Kakashi mentally debated the merits of a mutiny. "And what do you have planned for their future training?"

Kakashi shook his head, ridding himself of the thoughts of murdering the Kage in front of him. "I plan to take them tomorrow to go and buy them some weapons, learning how to use a weapon can only be beneficial for them and in Uzumaki and Haruno's case most likely required for their continual existence. I plan on teaching all three of them Infiltration skills. Uchiha will be taught forgery and thanks to his elixirs I will be able to get Uzumaki legitimate papers labelling him as a travelling healer. They will also need to be taught torture and interrogation, tracking, surveillance and B&E.

As for Jutsu I will focus on Genjutsu for Haruno along with a few simple non-elemental jutsu. For Uchiha I will teach him several elemental jutsu of his element and I will also teach him a few of the more obscure jutsu that I know, his Sharingan will eventually take care of the rest. Thankfully because of Uzumaki's alchemy a healer is not required for our team though I will still teach both Haruno and Uchiha some medical jutsu along with the chakra scalpel's jutsu, such a technique could help to augment their taijutsu skills well."

"Wise choices," the Hokage agreed, "what path do you see for them in the future?"

"I predict for Haruno to be Infiltration and Assassination, Uchiha to be Assault and Uzumaki… I'm not entirely sure about Uzumaki. I would suggest that he be forced to stay in the village, mass producing his elixirs but I doubt that he would allow that to happen. With his elixirs he could replace an Iryonin or take on an Assault roll, with his inability to use chakra he could easily be an infiltration expert. To be honest Hokage-sama it all depends on what Uzumaki himself wishes to become and just what he can do with his alchemy."

The Hokage nodded, "thank you Kakashi. Was there anything else?"

"Just one question Hokage-sama," Kakashi said. "You have yet to inform me why I was forced to leave the ANBU and forced to take this team. I can understand Uchiha and Uzumaki but why Haruno?"

The Hokage gave a grim smile, showing just how old he truly was. "Believe it or not Kakashi but you were not chosen to lead the team because of your skills, Naruto's situation, Sasuke's Sharingan or any other reason you have thought up. I have chosen you for the simple fact that all four of you have need of some help. I believe that being together may be beneficial to you four. Any other questions?"

Kakashi didn't have a question so much as a long list of words showing the Kage exactly what he thought of the old man's reason for forcing him out of ANBU and into a sensei roll. "No Hokage-sama that was all," he replied instead.

...

...

...

So yeah here's chapter 7. bit shorter than normal but it was a good stopping point i figured. yes the testing is over, yes Sasuke awakened his sharingan. yes i am an awesome mother fucker

As always read, review and doctor doctor give me the news


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